living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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