I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We need a shit load of segways right now
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
