You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize