He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
