I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
