saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
