I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
