Fine. I'll sleep in my office
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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