Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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