you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
