He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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