i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
