Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize