No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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