why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
