Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
