You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
