6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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