I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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