I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
