You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
