They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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