the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
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I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.