Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.