It's like God shit irony all over that family
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
