So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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