either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
