I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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