margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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