And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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