The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
