At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
