At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
