I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
