Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
