What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
