he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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