i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
