i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
