Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Vodka?
Forever.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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