Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
