My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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