i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
