I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
