i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
