I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
