So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
