I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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