In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
