nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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