I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
