My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
do nipples grow back?
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