His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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