It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
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If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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