The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
