So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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