Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
