hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
