We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
