i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
then he tried to convert me to islam
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
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possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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