I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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