Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
