Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
