i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
