Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink