The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS