God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay