I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
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You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.