I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs