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who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just cropdusted the office
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
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