Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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