She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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