That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
