OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need to calm my uterus...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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